he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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