Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
