Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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