at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
