It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
