i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
