P.S. I can't hear my feet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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