Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
