A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
