In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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