Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
