i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
