im having a threesome with these popsicles
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
