Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
