just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
