i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
