erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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