i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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