You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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