So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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