At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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