Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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