Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish my penis had an off switch
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
