you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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