There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
