He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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