your parents love me but you hate me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
