if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want nice things and good sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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