What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
