Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
