she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
