My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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