Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
