Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
