I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
