How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
