I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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