WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
