I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
