well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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