So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
