went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
