I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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