Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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