i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
