I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
