So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
