I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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