nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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