guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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