My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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