I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
