The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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