Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
