I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
