When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
